I am a 33-year-old woman who has never reached orgasm. What should I do?

I have dated and had sex with 5 men so far, but I have never reached orgasm.

I always act as if I reached orgasm as my boyfriends expect me to feel good.

I am not sure what to do to feel orgasm during sex.


Maria Carter

6 Feb, 2022

1 Answer


Christina Morgan

Sex Therapist

It is said that 75% of women never reached orgasm with intercourse alone without hands or sex toys based on the research. Therefore, it is common that women don't feel orgasm while they have sexual activity. 

I am not sure 'never reached orgasm' means 'never reached orgasm with a partner, but myself' or 'never reached orgasm ever', but I will share some tips for you. 

First, let me share what the orgasm feels like so that you might think you have experienced it before.

  1. Feel like you've gone to the bathroom after a long day of holding back.
    The feeling when you feel orgasm is like when you finally go to the bathroom after holding it in for a long time and release it with all your might.

  2. Feel as if your waist is floating
    You may feel like you are going to float your hips.

  3. Your insides contract on their own
    This is often felt by men, but when a woman goes, her vagina may start to contract repeatedly in a certain rhythm.

  4. No liquid comes out when women reach orgasm 
    When a woman reaches her orgasm, she does not physically release something at the moment she comes as men do. Some people often mistake a woman's "squirting" as her coming, but that is a different phenomenon. Don't worry, even if you don't squirt, you can still cum.
Four ways to make a woman reach orgasm

If you've never felt orgasm before, here are some things you explore.

  1. Practice on your own
    To get the feeling of orgasm, it's better to try it by yourself than with your partner. Study what and where feels good to you.

  2. Take time to feel relaxed
    Whether you're doing it with him or by yourself, it's important to take your time and tease slowly for a long time to make it easier to reach orgasm. Don't be in a hurry, just wait for the sensation to come naturally.

  3. Try stimulating with adult toys.
    If you can't get the sensation of going with your fingers, you can try using adult toys.
    If you are stumped at the sensory stage, you can try using adult toys to help. However, if you get too used to the stimulation of adult toys, you may not be able to have sex with him anymore.
    You can refer DAME ,mysteryvibe 

  4. Eliminate pressure and tension
    It is important to be free from pressure and tension. If you feel that you have to go or that you want to feel orgasm, that will also put pressure on you. When you have sex with a man, the pressure is often stronger, but it may be easier to try it when you are more relaxed and can have sex for a longer period.

  5. Don't be afraid to try touching yourself first.
    Some people can do it from the beginning without doing anything, but the most effective way to get the sensation of orgasm is to have sex alone and relax.

    If possible, I think it is a shortcut to feeling orgasm if you take the time to face him alone, in preparation for the act with him.
    It is okay to use toys, and it is okay to feel sexually aroused. Please try it on a holiday when you can relax.

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